I'm a little behind in the entries, still stuck on Tuesday. Don't like to be, but most likely nothing will happen on the weekend anyway.
The new rotation of bums once again causes me pain. The previous ones always sat on the ground as if dead. They barely move but to say, "Spare some change?" and hold out their cup. This new "generation" is not content to sit idly by in their filth. They choose to perform exercise by walking around. I guess hunger and low health conditions cause them to walk in weird ways. They don't look disabled to me. Oh, how I miss those corners. Little corners you can always count on to be warm with a body. But now is just a black wasteland. Without a future corpse in the way, you can see just how dirty San Francisco is.
Would have had Jitendra too but we all know he is very elusive. Thats ok though. I parked my car in front of Todai after work and proceeded to put on a sweater since it was so cold. It felt kind of strange. A little extra tight. I little extra short. Son of a cow! I shrunk my favorite sweater. Thanks God, thanks for making my birthday a special one. She gave it to me exactly one year ago. And I guess in a way, the sweater would allow her to be with me. Nostalgia... can't believe I shrunk it....
Met up with Hoang at JC Penney's. She showed me her kingdom. Quite a nice job. Her pants were wrinkled though. Normally, no problem but this is a clothing store afterall. I had to wait for her quite awhile, no probs since I was in a lousy mood due to before so I enjoyed walking around and venting. Ky called and said something is wrong with the world because he is on time for once and no one else is at Todai yet. Kim's plan with me was foiled due to my bad acting and preoccupation with how stupid I am about clothes washing. Kim's always so worried about people liking her gift. I think she should be as worried about liking gifts other people give her. But that's another story.
Deepak called me in the middle of dinner. Said Happy Birthday. That, I think, will always be my favorite gift of all time. Simple and sweet. The reason I feel this way? Because when I was young my friends birthday would roll by and they would get all these calls from people saying happy birthday. Hey, kids don't have money. All they can do is call. I never received a single call. So I always felt I didn't have friends. Lonely. I remembered the first person to call me and say Happy Birthday. Jack, for my 21st I think. Pretty sad... that I hold such things in high priority.
We went to Fry's afterwards the 5 of us. Hoang had to go back to work. And to my delight, Yen called. Yes, Yen from, gosh, who knows how long ago. TO SAY MY FAVORITE WORDS. Happy birthday. Yen is cool. Yen is too cool. Finally my day is coming to a happy conclusion.
Went home fat and satisfied. Punctuation sucks.
Was supposed to Ky also but he had to get a library book. uh huh, a library book *wink* *wink* They wanted to go Hot Pot, and man, that was some will power to decline. I didn't want to put them out and have them eat something else just for me. So I was just gonna stay home. I always hate how I have to do special things for those annoying people. I remember one girl in the back of my car wanted some air. So I turned on the vents. Nope wasn't good enough for her, had to open the window and mess up my hair. And then there was C, who made us go all the way to Tahoe first before going to Northstar. That's an extra 1.5 hours of driving.
So I tried not to be the annoying guy that always has to do things a certain way. DFW is the way. But they wrestled me into Krung Thai. Vegetarian Thai food isn't all that bad. I was extremely sleepy though because Pak took so long to get over. Conversation was light and centered on blahs. Nga called afterwards. I like it when she calls. I hate birthdays.
Had half my entry deleted. I quit.
I think there was a bum rotation that went on around Kearny/Sutter street business districts. I think the faces of the bums have saturated the local public and new faces were required to maintain healthy donations. Who wants to pay the same bum everyday right? Well, not only do the winos bring their own unique hostels to the area, they also come followed by a cloud of noxious gas. Is that a word? Anyway, yes I smelled that rotten pickle again. I think it's gonna be a regular for the next couple of weeks until the next shift arrives. I noticed the standard young men sleeping on the floor in leather pants turned into old white bearded men who must have braved th streets a much longer time. Thus perfecting their aromatic features. I am miffed to say the least.
A guy called in the other day. He drives a Suburban and every once in awhile at a gas station he'd get remarks from people. "Do you know what you are doing to the environment?" "People like you make us dependent on the oil from Iraq." "Do you really need to drive such a big truck." The answer is yes. He is in the construction business and requires a big vehicle to carry his equipment. He usually doesn't bother explaining it to these people, they've already made up their minds about them. So one day his Suburban is in the shop and he decides to drive his wife's hybrid vehicle withe the bumper sticker NO War on Iraq in the back. They live around Berkeley, so on that day he'd often get thumbs up from fellow motorists. People would smile at him. People just try to be nice to him and smile at him. So he decided to do an experiment the next day. He put a sticker on the back of his Suburban saying "NUKE IRAQ" Heh, he got honks and the finger from a whole lot of people. The point is, it's only in the Bay Area that this would often. If he was in Illinois or something, the opposite would probably happen. Go figure...
I hate vegetables. I hate bums. I am finally beginning to understand why people keep complaining about bums in San Francisco. Maybe I've been passing through less bum populated areas or something, but now I am so pissed at them. Let's get past the constant begging and haggling as you walk by. Forget the moldy cup they stick in front of your face. No what I am talking about is the smell. In last month's issue of Stuff they asked women what would turn them off a man. Small penis, no money, no sense of humor, bad breath, etc. The overwhelming response was bad breath. Yes, our sense of smell is quite a potent feeling. Anyway, I've always tried to breathe through my nose when I walk through filth but I was in Chinatown. I wanted to embrace the Peking Duck and egg custards and many more delicious delicacies. And he stood there at the corner. Before I realized he was there, a wind current blew by. Pickle. Old crusty pickle. Old crusty moldy spoiled pickle mixed in with utter crap. Oh the horror! I don't believe I have ever smelled such an awful aroma. It will stay with my the REST of my LIFE.
Miami I think it was just passed a law, 7 days in jail and up to $500 fine for begging. Right, as if bums can afford $500. They wouldn't be there in the first. I SAY KILL EM ALL. Well, at least ban them from the streets. Ever heard of homeless shelters? Soup kitchens? Hello? They have places for you to go so you don't stick like the pickle in Damen Wayne's urine bottle. I am disgusted.
Ate lunch with Deepak and So. Got nothing done. 4 days till death.
I wish I could say something more significant. Work as normal. Cry as normal. Bored as normal. If ever there was a time for excitement. Right now would be it.
Today's thinking road led to some very disturbing ideas. Why can't I be the one next to her when she falls down? Why can't I hold her up? Why can't I be the one? A lot of times I would just scream out loud in protest of my mind's wandering. This was it. Going into thoughts that just cause me pain.
A huge truck trailed behind me very close in bumper to bumper traffic this morning. Suddenly, or maybe not suddenly, the car ahead of me surges forward. So I think, hey, it's crazy traffic. I am not going to step on the gas like crazy bringing down my fuel economy and then suddenly braking again when things come to a stop. The truck obviously not happy at my following distance honked. AHAH! Pressed my button, right at the time when I was disturbed at my unsettling thoughts. Foot went off pedal and I coasted. Screw you! He tailgaited me for a minute or so watching the cars him up on the right before finally switching lanes to try and pass me up. AND BAM DOWN GOES MY FOOT! But of course I made sure to be going just fast enough so he can't switch back into my lane from behind or in front. BASTARD! Sad how that little incident gave me such joy.
Kim called me tonight and at last I know why I can barely hear her. It's not my phone that has a connection problem. It's hers. I was on home phone and she still kept cutting out on me. I don't think she knows about it either because she seems to hear every word I say.
Skiing is tentaviely scheduled for this Sunday. But I won't hold my breath...
The days have become long and monotonous. Every little unexpected event irks me. Pushes me to the edge. Pent up rage attacks me at every turn. It's that time of year again when I realize my life is worthless. Another year of failure.
The word to sum up this weekend is: observance. I watched the people around me graduate to another level in life. There was Yen. I often wondered about her hands and thought what happened to them. She seemed so closed in. A cheery attitude to cover up whatever secrets she had inside. Thinking a lot, like I do.
Oh I think the Infinity QX4 is a pretty crappy truck. Nice leather, nice gauges. But they didn't do much to cover up the Nissan Pathfinder underneath. I wonder if the other so called luxury rebadged SUV's as as untastfully done. It does have it's caveats though. The engine is superb. Silent and powerful, always willing to do as the driver bids. Visibility was also excellent.
Silence has always been my best friend. I use it to convey all the feelings I try to suppress. I don't get what is wrong with me. I watched her and my mind ran away again. It's never easy no matter how much time has passed. "If only I had a girl to watch the view with up here." When he said that, my heart sprang to life. Like it matters if she was available or not. Time does not dull anything...
Just plum forgot to input an entry yesterday. So here I am to make up for it. Another empty day but ended fairly well. Got a call from Kim. I like getting calls from her. It's like normal people call you and give you the info they have or you give the info they need. She's different. Once that is done, she strikes up a conversation or I strike up a conversation. And so it doesn't seem so. I don't really want or need to talk to you so I'll just let you know what's up and hang up. Or maybe it's all in my head that it's different. Either way, I like it.
Don't really have anything new to say. Did not do anything but think about what to do later. So, it's an empty day full of planning on this weekend. Let's see how my planning turns out.
Have to go to the dentist on Friday. Hopefully Buffy will be a good episode. Oh wait, I think it's going to be a rerun. Scooby Doo was a terrible movie. Scrappy Doo is a good guy. Hello? He was one of my favorite characters too. Bad Bad. Too many things to remember. Too much to do. Tomorrow everything be done.
My friend Nam just bit off my idea of an online Diary. Heheh... Now it's not special anymore. Today offers no new stories. Work and sleep. New prospects for this weekend though. Now let's see how we can work this out. Monday is Nga's day for skiing. Sunday is Deepak's day. Saturday is mine. Hoang, Yen and maybe more on Sunday. How do I incorporate everyone in? I guess no Saturday for me. I should go call for a dentist appointment that day. So Sunday should be the day to go? And do I go back on Sunday to rejoin on Monday? I'd rather not. Work is good.
Anyway, I don't understand the mess above and you probably don't either. I received special edition Lord of the Rings. So I am going to have a good watching tonight. No more Monday Night Football. Boohoo.
Oh, on the radio today they were asking people how they felt about the niners's loss. "Sad." "Mad." And my favorite. "We're gay, we don't watch football." Gotta love San Francisco.
Where did I go? You're not asking that. Furthermore, you're not here to ask that. Went on my weekly ski trip so fatigue got the best of me as always. This time thought, I wasn't able to attract any of my regular friends to come along so I contemplated going alone. Long 4 hour drive did not seem appealing. At the last minute my first time skiing partner called and bam we were on out way. 5 hour notice is all I need to get going.
So we're talking babysitting a beginner for me. We managed to get a class for her and I got to do my black diamonds. And in the end we managed to ski together down the bunny slopes. Fun.
While driving home we had some deep personal discussion of stuff and stuff. Made me feel a little out of place. Weird how she sounds so coherent and distinct. Her explanation, conclusions, and reasoning were worthy of the best philosophers. And so, I find myself at a loss at how to counsel her problems. Vagueness...
Friday - Dinner with Kevin, Yen, Hoang then Star Trek Nemesis
Saturday - Ski with Hoang the Catch Me if You Can
Sunday - 49ers got run over and Raiders take charge
I'm watching over Fiona right now. I like her. She's the first kid I like. Play around and never worry about anything. I wish I could do that. You know, crap in my pants. I have to make some phone calls but too lazy and sleepy.
Gave Nam a ride home from Hyundai so he can drop off his car for service. Nothing else happened.
I'm in that melancholy mood I find myself so "into" lately. Anyway, I just discovered this online journal thing and it seems pretty neat to write down all my thoughts online. You know, I'd keep an actual journal for this like normal people. But it just resembles a book too much. So here I am with my only love, "the computer."
Today I'm thinking of turning vegetarian. Do I feel sorry for animals? No. Do I want to be healthy? Yes, but not doing it for that. I'm doing it or contemplating hard on doing it because I think it's chickè. Did I spell that right. Oh well, it's getting late so I will spend the rest of tonight formatting this.
