Short hair cut
Even
she said it looks good. But I don't know if I can believe her either. I used to care more about how my hair looks but I let it go limp nowadays. Kim says it looks better. So does Ying-Ying. But I like it long. Long flowing in the wind. I don't know how to comb it when it is short. Buy gel? Do things for my hair? Too much trouble. I should have just gotten an Asian cut. Then I don't have to do anything for it.
The Zoo
I woke up that morning with delight in my eyes. Today was the day. It wasn't something long planned out or anything. We just said. Hey, we've never gone before and always wanted to. So let's do it! It was a drizzly winter morning. I prayed that God had mercy on me and doesn't let it rain. It's not often that I see her so I want today to go well. Every moment with her fills me with warmth. She is someone special. Someone beyond a friend. Someone beyond a girlfriend. She is someone who stands alone as an anchor to my existence. She gives hope to me that life can be enjoyed. Life can be savored. Life is good. I wasn't in a very good place back then. I always thought I could have done so much better had I put in more effort. Worthlessness is the feeling. There's no romance involved here. It's an extremely strong bond of friendship formed from mutual need for... someone who judges us with a clean slate. Not very clear huh? Well, you can ask me personally what it means.
Why do I feel this way? She makes me feel like an attractive person. I'm a person people can approach and say, "I want to get to know this guy. He is an important person and I want to listen to what he has to say." She makes me feel wanted.
And how is that accomplished? It's a bit difficult to explain. It's in her eyes. Her motions. Her expressions. It can be better explained thusly: We were out with a few friends once. After lunch, she said she wasn't feeling up to doing anything afterwards. I was a little bummed since I drove her all the way there and if she was going to leave, I had to also. So we bid adieu to our friends and on the ride back she said. "So what do you want to do?" I was a bit taken aback. Apparently, she just wanted to spend time with me that day and needed a good excuse for us to be alone. Wow, a girl actually likes to spend time with me. That's a new feeling. That's how she makes me feel everytime I see her.
It was my favorite kind of weather. It was a hazy, drowsy gray kind of day. We wandered the park with abandonment and enjoyed scenery and company with equal pleasure. The moment was done the right way like in a Hollywood movie. We were wrapped in heavy overcoats and flowing scarves watching our breaths escape while the wild cries of nature filled the air. As we finished our tour the skies darkened quite suddenly and began its fury. We hurried across the streets and ducked into a quaint little diner for protection. We stared around us and thought, this place looks charming, let's meal. She had some fried chicken and I had a burger. It was the fantastic fried chicken she said. We sat there with the backdrop of pouring rain batting at us trying to punch its way through the windows. But inside we sat calm and content, chattering and giggling.
I just remembered that I had a really nice day. School was getting more bothersome. Responsibilities were piling up. I had a million things to do. But here I am wasting it away spending a lazy weekend afternoon relaxing and allowing the day to slowly pass over me. It was a quiet and simple day. I spent it the best way possible at a time when I really needed the distraction.
Experience up
Life has begun to mirror a role-playing game. I go about my business with a detached feeling not totally being myself. It's as if I am looking at myself through a computer screen. It's sounds less than ideal and definitely kooky but actually it seems to be a Godsend.
I suffer from over-thinking. Over-worrying. Over-sensitivity. Over-everything. I'm just so self-conscious about myself. My appearance. My personality. Myself. My everything. Recently, I've been able to take off this self-defeating shroud. Or at least peak out from under it. It's like I playing a game now. And the point is the make my character be happy.
Mandy said I looked so relaxed that Friday night. Of course I am. I know everybody and I am in a good place. I don't have anything to worry about. I am just being me and I feel good. There is nothing waiting for me and I am waiting for nothing.
So I finally accomplished what "twinkling eyes" asked me to do. And I feel good. It was an adventure at first. But I didn't let myself sabotage my work. I played the game of life with confidence because I was just another player in this networked reality. Self-guessing was checked at the door. If I want to level up, I need to get past this obstacle. I've figured out the game. 要尊重自己.
Cookie crusher or I'm a pot too
My roommate, the one who shares my room, has called for an apartment meeting with the supervision of the RA. The meeting is about cleanliness. I've already written about that subject so there's no need to rehash. As Kim would say and I am still bewildered by the usage of the idiom, isn't he the pot calling the kettle black? How is he going to stress that the dishes haven't been done in 2 weeks when his pot of moldy oatmeal has been there for 3? He keeps harping to me about people should clean their dishes at most 2 days afterwards. His dishes go unclean for about a week on average. It's just ridiculous!
I've pretty much given up on this apartment. I've been let down by college students enough times already. They don't keep their word. They agree to one thing and then just disappear. There's really no rhyme or reason. There's definitely no use in trying to keep them accountable. They make up excuses. So this meeting is much ado about nothing. I'd rather not have schedules for cleanup or anything because I don't make any mess. I clean up my own so I don't believe I should clean up others. The only mess I make is in the bathroom and the janitors take care of it at the end of the quarter.
A few days ago, one of my roommates was eating cookies on the sofa. He absentmindedly left two rather large crumbs on the seat as he got up. The other roommate next to him decides to stretch his legs in the space left vacant. He also absentmindedly sweeps those two large crumbs off the sofa onto the carpet whereby I come waltzing by and crush under my shoes. Brilliant guys. Just brilliant. Now we have to go find a vacuum cleaner.
Kuala Lumpur
Many moons ago before all this terrorist stuff or heightened security business, I visited a city I once saw in a movie called
Entrapment. Catherine Zeta-Jones did some sexy slinky moves in the Petronas Towers to get some treasure for ex James Bond Sean Connery. The movie was not very good but its portrayal of then highest towers in Asia were magnificent. I told myself I would have to go visit there someday. July 11th, 2001 was that date. And here's my proof. We didn't actually get to go into the towers, bummer, but we got to take some pics 5 miles away.That's Ernest on the left and Lee in the middle. I must admit, I had a good hair day that day.
They took us to some bat caves later on the tour. There were a lot of monkeys inside the cave causing havoc. One monkey pushed a basketball-sized boulder and it nearly fell on Lee's head. I was quite shocked to say the least. She wasn't even disturbed and continued taking pictures. I don't think she realizes how close that rock was to her head. Anyway, I think this was a Budhist cave.
This is the hotel I stayed at in the casino in Malaysia. Kinda dark. The story of the Genting Highlands is pretty interesting. A rich Chinese guy was very good friends with the sultan. He wanted to build a casino but gambling was against the religion of muslims. The sultan didn't want to anger his good friend so he said here's some land up on this mountain, you can build your casino there. He was secretly laughing at him because who is going to drive all the way up here to gamble? Heh, that sultan didn't properly understand gambling's addictive hold on the Asian population. So the Chinese guy builds it and the people came. He also built gigantic gondolas that transported people from the city to the mountains. I think the ride was about an hour long. But my memory is thinning. I remember it was ridiculous how they forced us to wear these flashy shirts. They reminded me of hawaiian shirts. The place now thrives.
Probably should've taken off my hat. Probably should've gotten another photographer too. What is with the two buses? This is the capitol building I think. I remember running around the streets of KL sweating like I never sweated before at around 8 PM when the sun had long gone down. We were looking for some elusive open air flea market that is open all night. I hear of places that sell VCDs for 6 ringgits. That's a buck fifty. What a deal! It was neat watching them pack up and leave all of sudden while I was choosing. Darn cops. I was really surprised by all the chinese people we saw. I thought this was a muslim country. It was a nice change over from Singapore where I was a few nights before because most of the people spoke cantonese. It made bartering a lot easier. All in all, it's a nice city. But if I am going to take the heat, I'd rather do it in familiar Hong Kong.
Summer 2006 internship finished
I gave my final oral presentation at JPL the other day. I can't say I am proud of my speech but it turned out pretty well. My abstract for the talk never got clearance by security so I wasn't sure what kind of information I was allowed to talk about. Taking the safer route, I just left out all numbers, technical drawings or code names. What I ended up with was a cartoony powerpoint presentation with cute drawings. Again, I played the comedic route because that is the best way I can hide my nervousness at the podium. Everyone had to give a 10-15 minute presentation. Each session consists of 6 to 8 talks. While listening to others talk, I got even more self conscious. They were going Hall-Effect ion thrusters, Runge-Kutta random number generation methods, and dl/dA calculations with nice full color 3 axis graphs. I had a large letter O represent a piece of glass that grew big when it got hot and shrunk when it got cold. Then I put a bowl of porridge next to it when it was just the right temperature. When it was my turn I sped through my talk in a hurry but managed to do 15 minutes because I had sufficient material. At the end, a little old lady stood up and said. "You know, I didn't understand any of the talks given today. But I understood yours. Thanks for making it simple." That was all I needed to hear. Know your audience. That was the first thing they told us when preparing our talks. Looks like I succeeded in that regard.
Solid Smoke
It is the lightest solid known to man. It's called aerogel. Very expensive. It's odd holding it and looking at it. See how the shadow is the color of whatever object it is resting on. Orangey in the case of my hand. It has barely any weight. Looks like smoke but doesn't blow away. It's used as insulation on spacecraft. It was also used on the latest Stardust mission to collect parts of comet back to earth. Comets move so fast in space that if you tried to catch pieces of it, they would burn up. It's sorta like falling through the atmosphere. So this aerogel is used to slow it down very delicately so that the comet particles remain intact.
Toilet fiasco
Should I write happy or should I write sad? John says I should write sad because I am used to it. Can't argue with that, can I? Last night, my roommate having the natural urges dropped chocolate bunnies in the bathroom. Having fulfilled his needs, he discovered toilet paper was unaccounted for. In haste, he reaches for a pile of napkins to remove his tracks. Upon the flush it dawns on him that perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas. And thusly, the ooze came over the bowl and onto the floor. Plungers are also a scarce commodity in this rather spartan apartment. Ever so much the responsible adult, my roommate holds his hands up in abdication and leaves to play poker. Take pity on the hapless victims who return from work weary and daunted. What am I to do in a predicament so foul and heinous? Ying-Ying could probably guess. In order to minimize my need to "do the deed" as it were, I supported a boycott of sustenance. The only way I can guarantee that there would be no exposition would be to prohibit the intake of foreign bodies. This was accomplished with no reluctance from myself because my stomach was accustomed to prolonged exposure to void. By some miraculous happenstance my roommate returns this morning with borrowed plunger in hand ready to right his wrong. The obstruction was lifted and life's simple pleasures can again be enjoyed. But wait, there's still the matter of the overflow that clings to the floor and dries with aromatic disregard of our nasal sensitivities. Newspaper was laid to vanquish the greatest aqueous collections. The bog remains however. Mop! Mop! Where seek you? Ah, I see you sprawled over balcony walls. Ever so much the responsible adult, my roommate proclaims the bathroom an incorrigible tragedy. But it does flush now. Without another thought he promptly leaves to poker. Incredulous eyes stared at him to immediately correct his blunder but his attention was already stolen by gamble's addiction. Day two and John remains with dinner but a distant dream. Still, it's a merry thought to know that I am living with such compelled souls.
Summer in Los Angeles
Can you tell that this is sunny California in the middle of summer? I sure can't.
Laundry
Rude. That's what it is. Today I returned to the laundry room. I noticed my now dry clothes were sitting in someone else's laundry basket. The dryer where I left my clothes about an hour ago was still busy spinning some stranger's clothes. What? Who did this? There were 52 minutes left on the cycle indicating that the culprit was here 8 minutes ago. I can only conclude that person was in need of a dryer. Having seen all of them occupied, he/she proceeded to remove my clothes from the dryer since my clothes were already finished. He/she decided to place my clothes in an empty laundry basket that another unsuspecting user had left behind. How could you do that? What if the owner of said laundry basket came back and noticed some stranger's clothes in their basket? If it were my basket, I would have dumped them haphazardly somewhere cursing the person for using my property without permission. Luckily I came back in time. I estimate that I came back about 10 minutes after my cycle had completed. Guess what I did next?
I packed up my clothes and went to my apartment. Saw a missed call on my phone and returned the call to Nam who then proceeded to hand the phone off to Jack. Hearing Jack say "What?" on the other end indicated to me that he was as clueless as me as to why the phone was being passed to him. I wasn't in the mood so I said, Talk to you later" and hung up. What is wrong with people today?
Language into your mouth and out your armpits
When did baby powder turn into a women's scent? Granted, I rarely smell powder on men. Lots of women have that scent. I like it. So I was perusing Target today to get some anti-perspirant because I was running out. Lo behold, no signature pink label for baby powder on the men's side. On the women's side, however, was half filled with pink labels. No fair! And on a tangent, what is the difference between men's and women's anti-perspirant? pH balanced for a woman? I think not. I actually know what phenalphathalein is and I can almost spell it. Most importantly, female and male pH's are the same... I think. Anyway, I went over to the female side and got some Suave. I don't care. I like powder. At least it doesn't say "For Her" on the label.
"I think he is very intellectual." Mandy looked at me confused. "How can you tell?" she exclaimed. "He speaks in Chinese all the time." I looked at her incredulously. "Because I know Chinese?" I said. Geez that girl. You'd think watching hours of Chinese movies with her would convince her of my comprehension. But I must be in a good place because I gave her the computer look. You know, the one when people ask me to delete spamware off their computer. Idiot, how hard is it to install a spyware doctor program?
Lilly said she would help me whiten my teeth. She's a dentist in training so she could use new victims... errr patients. She's gonna make a mold and use those bleach trays to do it. Cool, cheap and easy. She said she won't charge me but I insisted on at least paying for the materials cost. I hope she remembers me in 2 weeks. She's going to New York tomorrow. Dangerous you say? I am good with pain
Garage
I looked inside today and saw two cars. I wondered what it was like the first day they moved in. He would have tried to park his car as far to the right as possible. He wants her to have plenty of room to get in and out. Of course, we men think women can't drive or park. So we're just looking out for the resale value of our sports car. She would take advantage of the extra room and little by little inch closer to his car. Why don't they build bigger garages? Their cars barely fit. He sometimes has to climb out from the passenger side grumbling because she didn't give him enough room. Sometimes she'd wonder what he would do if she just dings his door a little because she can't get all her bags out. Tomorrow she will be leaving for good. Her car will never be in the way again. I wonder if he will start parking in the middle of the garage enjoying the extra freedom. Perhaps he will continue to park on the right hoping one day she will come home.
Twinkling eyes.
I don't know why I can't say no to her. All she has to do is ask and I readily agree not really thinking of the implications. I like to tout how I am so rational and so clear headed. I can think so objectively without undue bias. I don't let the little things cloud my judgement. And yet all she has to do is look at me with twinkling eyes and my heart melts. Emotions hold me hostage and I just follow its whims. I am just as easily corruptible as those I look down upon. And here I am actually thinking it will turn out great. How naive am I really? Feelings stink. They make you feel all warm and cuddly and then suddenly the carpet gets pulled from underneath you. I am good with pain.
Snail mail
Yikes, two weeks for a Malaysian letter to make it to my mailbox. So so slow. I thought it got lost or something. I think I will just have to write more often to make up for it. Just need to somehow get myself on a roll. What is this thing I am holding? I don't really know. It looks like pantyhose made into a leaf shape.
Another W
If my iron heart could produce tears, it would be freely flowing right now. Oh gosh, here is another one of those
W things. You know, I'm like a girl. When I was younger, I would always want to go to weddings and dress up and see how happy people are. I always wondered how it would be when my friends tied the knot. Who knew they'd do it one after the other? And no I wasn't brought to tears because another one of my lucky friends are getting married and I am being left alone. I was emotional because Trinity thought so much of me to give me an invitation. She even went through the trouble of finding out my last name. SEE! It's even spelled CORRECTLY! Ho gum dong ah!
