The people around me strongly influence my personality. Knowing my friends is a way of getting to know another dimension of me.
Kim has a leather steering wheel cover placed over her leather steering wheel cover. It's a little loose. Jack's shirt promotes pronouncing "royale" as in Casino Royale not royal flush. Or is it the other way around? Charlene can read my bad handwriting in traffic. Scary huh? Huy's 20" tires on his GS300 rubs. "Never get 20's," he says Lee likes to play "hypothetical" chess. Meaning we go over each other's moves figuring out what is the best move even if it is against ourselves. Binh let me borrow a Korean drama DVD box called The Sad Love Story. I won't be able to return it to him until Thanksgiving. Jean commented on me wearing a tie and shirt. I said she looks good in boots. Mike likes to describe his relationships with people as sinusoidal. Meaning there are ups and downs. Mandy got a new job. Now she'll worry about keeping it. Always worrying. Nam got a raise recently. He's now a legitimate snob. Earned a little respect from me for paying for his new car and insurance on his own. Lost a little respect because he replaced a 3 year-old car. Lucy kicked my butt good in scrabble. But she is a teacher afterall Drew described Lee's suitors with vivid detail. I now give him my blessing because he is no pushover. Thao's name was forgotten by me. She was the reason I met her group of girlfriends. I saw her and thought she was cute. She goes by Yvonne now. Kevin's hair is long. I said "Kinda long don't you think?" He replied, "That's what all the girl's say." Hoang loves pear cider from IKEA. I bought her 10 bottles. Jeremy gave up his surround sound speakers for my sister. She said it looked tacky. Pasha thinks I am smart. He asks me questions about physics homework. Funny guy... me do homework? I don't know why the Fermi energy band is wavy. Ying-Ying bought me a green bath towel. Just in time too, it's so soft.
I came back home to San Jose last week to help out my dad at work. It was a pretty busy week as I tried to juggle work and personal excursions. My sister called for me to go home and help out dad. My dad sprained his ankle pretty badly and my manager at JPL actually told me to go home. I didn't really want to. I felt my sister was over reacting like she always does to simple ailments. But he said my work at the present isn't urgent so I should take care of family. Nice guy huh?
Anyway, there were quite a few missed connections. Kim and I tried 3 times in vain to meet for meal to no avail. Jack's meeting also failed. But Y-Y dropped by the 1st evening I came back. It was 5:30PM and I was about to cram food down my neck because I had rushed home so quickly that I hadn't eaten all day. My dad's work schedule is from afternoon to midnight. Kinda tough to meet people who are at work when I sleep.
And for Saturday, I booked dinner with my sister whom I haven't seen in a long time and Hoang's engagement ceremony, which was the primary reason I scheduled the visit home. Coming early was for my dad's sake. I also managed to do a 4 hour shift for my dad that day. Talk about efficient. Then I went over to K's house to play ping-pong as said earlier. She kicked my butt.
Finally, Sunday was a short work day as there were only two stops. I wish my dad had told me earlier. Or at least I should have asked. I missed out on my friend's dance performance over at Gilroy. And she just so happens to break her phone that week so there was no way to contact her quickly. My emails didn't get to her in time. It was another missed connection. Since there was nothing to do after work I took up the invitation to peruse Hien's wedding pictures. I must have been very stealthy or the photographer didn't like me because I only showed up in one of the pics. Later she asks me to join her for dinner with her family. It's her birthday. Oh my! Her husband has to give her two gifts in less than a month. That makes end of summer a nice holiday for her from now on. We ate at New East Lake. Her family orders the same food as my family. And just like my family her dad does not pay. But unlike my family the eldest sister does not pay. It was the youngest, Connie, that paid because she just bought a house and everyone thinks she's loaded. Thanks for dinner, Connie.
Overall, a very busy week but the reward of seeing friends on the weekend more than makes up for it. And my dad's foot is fine.
School is back in session. It's kinda nice to have a summer off and come back refreshed. I'm not really refreshed but eh, it feels like it's been awhile. That makes school different. And different is interesting, at least for a little while. Classes are generally pretty smooth. I have two tough ones and two easy ones. So a medium quarter for me I guess. Looking around at the student, I feel even more older. I am, but those little girls with their books wrapped tightly in their arms and big thick glasses and tied back straight hair... those girls are now another year younger than me. Those smart girls I have to compete with all the time. They were going through puberty when I was learning how to drive. What does that mean? Nothing really... not a meaningly comparison at all. But whatever, I don't really compete with them at all since it's a bunch of guys in my major... oh wait... New physics majors appeared this year. 3 of them female. 3 of them male too. But still, I like those ratios much better than 1 female total.
I met Khanh (I think that's how you spell her name, it's been so long) a few years ago in high school. She was a new officer for the Renaissance Commission. I think I tried to show her the ropes a bit, although I didn't really have to since her sister was head of the commission. She already knew what to do. We give out awards to smart people on the honor roll. I don't remember if we had any good conversations while working but I thought she was a cool person to talk to. I saw her again last month at Hien's wedding. She gave a big exclamation, "John!" when I saw her. I could barely recognize her. I was having the toughest time trying to picture this charming young woman as the same innocent little girl I knew way back. I ran into "Connie" now, the other day at Hien's birthday dinner. She yelped again again, "John!" and then did a double-take as if she couldn't believe I was standing in front of her. Then she shrieked "John!" again. "Hi Connie, it's nice to see you too." I love her expression. It makes it seem like she's really glad to see me... or really angry... I can't tell but she does smile at me.
My roommate Josh once told me the secret to getting girls. It's not much of a secret really. I already knew from watching the biggest flirt I know, Kevin, about what needs to be done. Talk. You gotta have the talk. Nothing else matters. You could be the cutest guy in the world but if you can't talk, you're nothing. I know of an example. You could also be an ugly guy but if you have the talk, you got the girls. I also have an example of that. You gotta act confident in what you say and act like you are are fantastic person. Makes sense right? Josh always has a bunch of girls over and so I don't know if he's boasting or not but he tells me, I could do the same. Girls can smell desperate guys. You have to act like you don't care about them. You have to ignore them a little. Don't be too interested in them or they get turned off. John also told me once that he was very good friends with the hottest girl at school. He never gave a second thought about her because he thought she was way out of his league. One day to his surprise, the girls says she likes him because he's different than the other guys who always swoon after her. She likes him because he acts like himself. So that's it huh? Talk the talk. Confidence. And act like you don't like them.
Simple.
And so that's been my motto for the past decade or so. As you can see, my success rating has been pretty low. No matters though. I don't think I handled that whole confidence part well enough.
Tonight K calls me over and we play ping-pong and we play chess. We laugh and we talk about love. She is more like me with every breath she takes. Amazing how we think so alike. It was a simple evening of each other's company. Now that's how I like spending an evening. No need for big budget movies or electonic gizmos. Just each others smiling faces. She tells me that to get the girl you have to tell them. Confidence. Grrrr... conflicts in what I am supposed to do. So I need to let them know I am interested and yet still act like I need them and can get any other girl I want... that's tough.
She tells me about the 6 languages of love. My rank is thusly.
1. Words of affirmations (Tell me you love me.) 2. Services (Still waiting for that girl to bring me lunch. Nam brought me lunch once when I was sick but he's a guy.) 3. Quality time (Can't have a relationship if you don't spend with one another) 4. Space (I can have other female friends too right?) 5. Gifts (Don't really care unless it's Family Guy DVD's.) 6. Physical intimacy (I don't like being touched.)
In keeping with my feminine-ness... girls usually pick the words as their number 1 and guys choose the touch as number 1 (of course). I'm completely opposite for the moment. I'm sure my 6 will move up with the same degree as her hottie scale. I do have raging hormones after all.
I need to thank K for the conversation and thank her for a good evening. It's nice to know someone is out there so similar to me. If there is one there is likely to be many more.
I'll call her K because I don't know if anything else is appropriate. After all these years, her words still sting with the voice of reason. I mean she isn't some super fantastically good great person or anything... but then again, she does come close. And after all these years, I still hold her words with high regard and what she says is gospel. And what she says is still haunting me. She delved into a subject that I would rather not get involved with again. It was something I wanted to avoid with every fiber of my being. Reason is I can't support the truth. Well, it might not be the truth. But I don't want to think about too much for fear that it is the truth. Anyway, she got me into thinking it again. So how do I shake it loose? I need her to believe my lies. Then perhaps I can lay it to rest. But now, here I am stuck in her words. Grrr... why does she have to be so rational? I wanted to arrange flowers with K so we could continue our conversation.
Things bother me? No way. I came home this week to help my dad with work. So it's been pretty quiet. I was able to stand firm on deciding the right thing to do. It may hurt for a little bit I guess. But in the long run, it's best for the both of us. School has started and I got a good schedule I think. I will be very happy with it. I still have a few nagging chores to take care of but I don't want to bother with it at the moment. It feels a little quiet at home but that could be because no one is doing anything. It is the middle of September after all. There really isn't anything exciting to talk about.
A guy came by to give a talk about religion and physics at JPL the other. I thought it was an odd subject to give. What does religion have to do with astronomy? I was pleasantly surprised that he had some pretty neat way of thinking things.
So at the beginning, people saw the world around them and wanted to explain why things are the way they are. God and religion filled the role perfectly. What people couldn't explain scientifically they deemed a work of the Creator. As time goes on humans explain more and more natural phenomena thereby encroaching on the religion's sphere of influence. Religion begins to lose it's hold over people. Less and less things are explained by the supernatural and more and more things are scietifically proven. This angers the church to no avail.
Science marches onward. There comes a few notable people into the story, Gallileo, Newto, Kepler, etal. Using their laws of the universe, they were able to predict the exact motions and positions of heavenly bodies. Man had now proven predeterminism. Man had tapped into God's ultimate plan. All actions have already been predicted and order was found in the universe. In other words, the more scientific we got, the more we proved a grand design. Columbus knew for example, the exact moment there would be an eclipse of the moon because he was an amatuer astronomer. And he was able to "block" out the sun in front of the natives in the New World in order to con them into thinkin he was God on Earth.
In the early 20th century, the story took a u-turn in the era of modern physics. Only about century ago. There was Einstein's theory of relativity which fixes the speed of light to c no matter what frame of reference you are in. There was the wave and particle duality nature of electromagnetic radiation, quantum mechanics. And importantly, there was Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. It is impossible to know the exact position and the exact velocity of something in space. If you know where it is, you don't know how fast it is going and vice versa. This put back personal choice into the equation. We're not stuck on a one way track, not everything is determined. There are things in the universe that are proven to be uncertain. God is once more pushed out of the picture. There was chaos in the universe. If God does exist, he just kick-started the universe and let it go on its own. He has no more control over it than we do.
Interesting that math and theory can prove that there is no proof to something. The more I learn, the less I know.
I looked in the mirror this morning and thought. Oh gosh, look at these bags under my eyes. I looked so old. I always thought if anything, I have a pretty young looking face. Couple that with my child-like... some would say childish... antics. It was next to impossible to guess my age. Today I looked my age. I chalked it up to needing more sleep and made a pact to myself to sleep in earlier.
At work, I went into the restroom to wash my hands and took a quick look at myself. Horror overcame me as a white stalk peeked out from under my temple. I examined it closely and saw that it was long and thick. Old father time! You've caught up to me! I guess I have to start acting my age...
Nothing important to report but the traffic. The other morning I saw a semi truck waiting behind a volkswagen in the lane next to mine. We're stuck in heavy traffic and the car in front of the volkswagen starts to crawl up a tiny amount. The semi begins to creep up too but the volkswagen isn't moving. There really wasn't any reason to. Even though it is a green light, the car in front has hardly moved more than one car length ahead. There's too much traffic at the intersection. Suddenly the semi starts honking it's horn. What? What are you doing idiot? There is nowhere to go and the space in front only opened up a second ago. So I laugh at the truck driver's impatience. He's probably late on a delivery. As we come up to the next intersection, the car in front of me decides that a green light means wait 5 seconds. There's room in front of him to move too. Damm me, that's what I get for laughing at other people.
Oh yeah, got my flat tire repaired free of charge today. I was expecting to pay another 60 bucks to replace a busted Goodyear. Still, I've written them off. That's 3 flats in a year on tires with only 20k miles on them, fairly new.
More people continue to say my haircut is good. I guess I have to concede that it is a good haircut. At the very least it's better than the mop I was wearing before. There are a few annoyances I can write about right now but I think I've been on an annoyance binge the last few posts so I thought I might concentrate on good stuff instead. So what is good that's been happening?
This might be tough... I got a flat tire the other night... woops, shouldn't have said that. Oh Y-Y got her second interview for a job. My sister and I always knew that she could get the job as long as she was given the chance for the interview. She may not have the experience, but she sure is a good talker.
Ummm... saw Mandy down here the other day at church and at bible study. She really does like the new people she's met here. I only regret that I didn't join the church earlier so that I could have introduced the people to her earlier. Maybe she would be in a better place if she had made friends before she went back to San Jose. Jean is just such an awesome person. Haven't met anyone kinder than her and she's made Mandy very welcome. I continue to pray for her.
School is starting soon... but eh... that's not a good thing. OH! New episodes of Family Guy are being shown. So what about me. I'm about the same. Despite all the annoyances I have, I feel extremely good. I mean academically I am sound. That's pretty much all I need for now. As soon as I finish this goal in June, I can start my next one... finding you. Wherever you are.
This morning I woke up feeling quite refreshed. A bit hungover but given the circumstances, I am quite well off. I took my cousins to Disneyland yesterday and had a killer headache. See, I get these headaches when I am out in the sun too long. I was stupid and didn't bring any medicine with me as I normally do.
Anyway, I came to my cousin's place early the morning before and Kenna says, "Help me, my little sister doesn't want to go anymore." I said, "Leave her. Why does it matter if she goes or not?" Kenna was able to get free tickets to the park because she has a friend who works there. It took a lot of her begging to get her little brother to go. They all agreed to go previously but suddenly decided to change their minds that very morning. Only Kenna still wanted to go. She couldn't understand why because it's free. I was telling her that she didn't have to beg her little brother to go. I may sound like I don't like her brother and sister. Well actually, I'm not particularly fond of them. I guess the correct word to use is I don't mind them. See, I get this sort of "stuck up" attitude from this family. Kenna included. It seems like they think they are better than everyone else and they have better things to do than hang out with people like me or my family. It's not like they are not gracious for all the help we gave them. This is just the way they are and I have no problem with that. They just like isolating themselves. So I leave them alone. My brother has a problem with it because they don't come out and greet him when he comes home from Japan. He calls them rude and disrespectful. True, I feel the same way when I come home from LA but eh.... no big deal.
I think of it in my shoes. I've been led to believe by many that I have a mean face. When I look in the mirror, I guess I do look mean. So people have always been less than friendly around me because I look like I might snap at them. People may even avoid me because I look like I am mad all the time. I can't help it, I was born this way. So I am very sensitive to people who are of a particular way and can't help it. This excludes fat people. All they have to is put down that fork. So if this family is like this then, oh well. I try to be friendly towards them. If they don't accept, then, I've done my part. This is the way they are. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Anyway that's off on a tangent. If someone doesn't want to go then forget about them. I mean, it's not like we need her to go. We'd go by ourselves even if they don't go. If they don't want to go out and have fun, then it's their loss. They can stay couped up in the house all they want. I just don't like people pestering me to go somewhere when I already told them no. If I said no, then just leave me alone. Nam understands me. He got some flak for not going rafting with our friends. You only pester people to go if the trip doesn't happen without them. Otherwise, forget about it. That's why all my trips are centered around the minimum people needed to make it work. I make sure they are good. After that, it's just gravy.
On a similar note, a friend left me a voicemail last night to have lunch the next morning. I was unable to return her call until this morning. "Lunch would be great," I said to her. "Ahhh... I don't know... maybe I'll call you back... umm, well, you took so long to call me back so I think I might have something else..." Geez, don't feel all guilty or anything. Feel free to do something else. Please don't hold back waiting for me. I wouldn't wait for you and you shouldn't wait for me.
I noticed a new pattern with my behavior. It corresponds with my "gaming view" of reality. I've begun to more often isolate myself from group situations. For example, today at church. I chose to sit at the table in the back all by myself when there are plenty of people and spots in the front benches. I could easily work myself into a few conversations and get to meet new people. You know, the stuff I keep saying I like doing. But I didn't do it, I went and sat by myself because I liked it... oh wait, like is not the right word. I don't want to sit alone. I just don't mind sitting alone so that I can contemplate on stuff. And of course, I've said many times before that thinking too much is the road to depression. It's probably not healthy. Being desensitized by life is a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that I don't get all self conscious and think too much about every situation. I'm able to act more confident and with less hesitation. It's a curse in that I just don't care about the outcome. If I don't care about my life, what do I care about? I care about others.
I have the "saviour complex." I'd rather help others even if it means sacrificing myself. Now don't go thinking I'm all compassionate and gracious or such a wondeful guy. I'm not. I just think my life is rather empty and useless so why not help others and make their lives meaningful or better. Right? It's like throwing an aluminum can in the trash... I want to see that can get recycled. Likewise, if I can make someone else's life better, then I should do it. If I have the power to do it, then why not? And what about my life then? Why am I able to trash my life so easily. Well, that's where I become a hypocrite. You see, you gotta sacrifice some people for the good of the whole. I can be that sacrifice. That martyr if you will. I want to be remembered as the guy who helped me do blank or if it wasn't for him, we never would have been able to blank. Isn't that a nice to thing to hear about yourself?
Another great Korean movie. Mostly comedy with a little tear jerker here at the end. This movie is so weird. It had me laughing throughout. Look at those big eyes. So cute. I think the people who did My Sassy Girl had a part in this because the girl has similar reactions. It's hard to say no to her but it had to be done. I don't know if I could've done it though. I mean what is there to lose? Well a good ending apparently. I didn't like the ending. It wasn't totally bad but a little disappointing. Awwwwwwwww.... Why did I like this movie? When I can identify with the characters, it makes it more real to me. I want to know what happens to them as if they were real life people around me. I get emotional. The main girl reminds me of my friend Ying-Ying. The reason for the main girl's "behavior" thoughout the movie reminds me of her .Even the the girl's face resembles her, but as you can see, the main character makes sure she gets enough sleep at night I love her dress. I don't know what they call them but they really look nice and she wears them throughout the movie. I like that style. This next part is hilarious. You see her dressed up in such a cute outfit. Then you find out what she is going to do in that outfit.
It's probably because I forgot to pray. Yeah, I will blame it on that. I got so fed up with my living situation that I went out to look at rooms for rent. Found a run down place someone converted out of his garage on craigslist. Hot little sucker, probably has no insulation. Freeze to death in the winter and there are only 2 tiny windows. Bathroom is inside the house so I have to walk outside the house to go potty. Still, I'd pay the requisite $520 to get out of the smell in my room. So I said, I'll take it. Now, I've gone through the process only once before so I am no expert but what this guy wants is ridiculous. He said he would take like the best 5 candidates. Run a credit check on each of them and then decide among all pertinent factors who he would want as a renter. huh??????? Now, I'll admit I may be new to this, but what happened to first come first serve? You make sure you want to rent to this guy. If all is good, you do the credit check and then take him. You don't go around running needless credit inquiries on people. "Oh it saves time." Whatever dude, I'm not giving you $20 bucks to deny me because someone has a better job than me.
Darn, my left shift button is a little broken. This is going to be annoying. Look on the bright side? Tomorrow is bible study. Good food, good company, good discussion.
Hiho Hiho, it's back to work I go... That was a good week off. I haven't had this much fun in a long while. Let's recap a bit:
Contributed in a friend's wedding. Got to sit at table number 4 which is as close as you can get to the bride. Sang a duet for the bride with my long time friend. Shy, who's shy? Inversely, I sat at the last table 43 at the second wedding I went to. I was friend of the groom this time. So now I see who wears the pants in these two weddings.
My uncle is very picky so I got tired of taking him to look at cars. Thus, I was only able to purchase 1 car this time around; the aforementioned sentra. Bringing my total to 4 for the year. I think the next car will come soon. I'd keep driving the old corolla until it dies but my aunts wants a car so I will let it go cheap for her. I need to find something as soon as she saves up the money for me.
Got 2 more laptops which also brings it to 4 total. Makes it seem like I have a lot of money huh? I just like buying stuff. For me to keep one of those laptops is pretty amazing already.
New garage door was installed and was promptly broken by stupid boy. Whatever pushed that little boy to pull on the little red string that brought the door coming down to a terrible crash is beyond me. The string detaches the chain from the motor in case you didn't know. This allows for manually operation of the door in case electricity was out. He apparently broke the bug screen on the backdoor when it was newly installed as well. Still, when I was young I played with the parking brake on a car which brought it crashing down over my brother's bike. So can't be a hypocrite even if I was only 10 years old.
Pool party at Kim's. Ate and ran. Got attacked by crazy girl while walking around the pool. Kim needs to invest in some security at her pool parties. Dangerous. Nga's cheesecake ruled. Nam's burgers rocked. Bacon makes it better. Jack has a problem with my broken watch that is waterproof up to 200 meters. Pak took my chair when I got up to get more food. You snooze you lose, that's what I say. I'd take his chair if he got up as well. Jimmy's tri-tip was salty! Of course, can't forget Kim's excellent shrimp and beef vegetable kabobs. Yum yum... she's a good cook! ^_~
Came back to apartment with broken AC and a bag of trash on top of the kitchen counter. Hmmm... trash on kitchen table... sure does make sense to me.
Some people welcome good things to happen in their lives. I guess they may even believe that if they try hard and work hard, things will turn out for the best. And then there are odd people like me who has a passion, a hunger for life to be tempered. I want it hard-edged and sharp. I want it to be painful. I want it to hurt. Perhaps I am so good with pain that anything less would just be a dull graze. It is as if I am a mental patient looking through the glass window made from prozac or some drug. How do I know I am alive if I have no feeling? Sound suicidal don't I? I guess I am just so far removed from emotions that unless it's a direct hard impact, it doesn't affect me. I don't feel it.
So Friday rolls by and I eagerly await her phone call. I was going to tour her work place. See how she spends the 9 to 5. A more permanent time probably should've been agreed upon but knowing after the fact is kinda pointless. I thought it would take place in the afternoon before she got off work but as 5 PM fast approaches I noticed that I might be impinging on Nam's promotion dinner. She said she may be in a meeting around that time. What should I do? I don't want to disturb her and I cannot be late to Nam's dinner. I made the decision to just go to her work and find my fortune.
I ended up taking a good 1 hour walk around the neighborhood breathing in the cool evening breeze and watching kids practice soccer at the nearby school. I got a chance to play with my new pink phone (more details on that one, never). I had a chat with God and thank Him for giving me a chance to reflect on where my heart will be after graduation. She called me back a little after 6 PM but time had run out. I had just turned my car around and started to head out. I'm surprised she stays at work so late.
I might not like it when things don't turn out as planned. But it sure does make it more real to me. Now if only 3 things weren't schedules at the same time on Saturday.
Yesterday, my friend was telling me about a guy who keeps talking to her about how his ex girlfriend is using him for things. She would constantly call him needing things. He wants to get back together with her but it doesn't seem like she wants to. So he just keeps complaining to my friend about how she's using him and such and such. My friend thinks he likes playing the part of the martyr so that people would feel sorry for him. Oh yeah?
So this is funny. Maybe not but to me it is anyway. Nam called me to meet up this afternoon. Sure, why not? I'm not busy. I say come pick me up. He says, what? You're not going to drive me in your new Sentra? Hahaha... funny guy. Of all the cars I've purchased... what, am I up to 4 now? WRX, Odyssey, Civic, Sentra... I don't get to drive any of them. Well, the van doesn't count because I didn't put money into it. I only signed away my name.
So as Kim says it... her word has shone brightly to me lately... I'm just stupid and it's my own fault for letting people take advantage of me.
Consolation is what I wanted. Consideration maybe. Definitely, I wanted exaltation. So with excitement in the air I perused her quaint little "apartment." I am jealous. What a nice little spot. Her bathroom is sparkling clean and her cups are devoid of spots. Such a clean person. Have I turned into a clean freak? I just love the smell of her place. Functional and not extravagant. Very simplistic and utiliarian with some colors blended in for artistic flair.
I told her my story and she gave me the best response out of those I let indulge in the sordid affairs of my suddenly active life. It was like Kim said. If I want to gossip, I go to Kim. Kim's the best complement for me in that regard.
This story, however, is for her. Or rather, it's her comments that reflect what I want to hear. Exalted. I guess it could be biased or it could be a lie. But there really is no reason to sugarcoat it.
And how cool is that. She took me to Pho Bang for dinner. What the heck? Again, besides Kim, no one has ever suggested going to beef noodle before. Wow. I am so filled with.... what is that strange feeling. Is it joy? Wouldn't it be great if I can keep an ongoing friendship with her? Something with more regularity. If it were my birthday, that would be my wish.
